The Cup of Suffering

Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name…

He started the Lord’s Prayer in front of his congregation. He took his time as he enunciated every distinct syllable in the prayer that he has uttered for all his Christian life.

…Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done…

He shakes a little as the weight of his burden feels like it has increased tenfold. He imagines that this was how the Lord felt like when he prayed for his yoke to be taken away from him. While in the midst of the prayer, he says a silent one in his heart – that he would have the strength to finish this.

…on earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread.

He has said this prayer more times than he can remember. But it didn't mean it came out any easier. As his congregation with their heads silently bowed wait patiently with the elements of communion – a piece of bread and a cup of ‘wine’ – in their hands, he wonders if any of them are sleeping. He knew many of them by name – His sheep that he has been shepherding for many years – and now he is up on the pulpit once again to deliver the Holy Communion. The elders have told him that this would probably be his last time on the pulpit as his health is deteriorating.  

And forgive us our depts., as we forgive our debtors.

How many in his congregation still have anger toward their own? He remembers the amount of marriage ceremonies he has conducted, but also the troubling flood of divorce cases. He remembers being the center of family feuds over the will of the deceased. He remembers the stories he has been told of his sheep being hurt by wolves in sheepskin. He is troubled. He has preached about forgiveness, but he knows the message has fallen on deaf ears.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil…

Where was temptation? Where was evil? He knew the answer but did not want to admit it. Oftentimes, the source of evil in his church has come from the members themselves – the seeds of temptation sown by crafty wolves disguising themselves as sheep. He knew they were among his sheep now – eyeing their next prey. He felt overwhelming anger and pity for those men. He also found it ironic that the place that should have been the most holy of places has become the place of most deceit. The idiom was true it seemed that where we think we are strongest is where the devil strikes the hardest. He has planted this church on fertile ground, but the evil one has thrown in some weeds. And now he decided was the time for the harvest – to separate the good plants from the weeds, the wheat from the thorns. It was not an easy decision but he knew it had to be done. His sheep had to be purified. As fire purifies steel, he was ready to purify his congregation.

For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, forever.

He heard the unison amen. The voices of both the thorns and the wheat spoke the same language. He would never be able to tell them apart. The thorns, the weeds, and wolves are in his congregation like a poison that is slowly deteriorating his wheat, his good plants, and sheep.

Amen.

He raises his left hand that held on to a piece of bread. He puts it over his head, reaches for it with his right hand and breaks the bread. He gives the signal and as a body, they eat the bread together. They all eat together. The sheep and the wolves in sheepskin. The prey and the innocent. He couldn't tell them apart. He knows only God could be the judge.

He reaches for the cup and raises it above his head. He hesitates a moment. He knew this was his last time on the pulpit. He wanted to take in the moment. He says a few words about his appreciation of their faithfulness. He bites back the need to say something about the wolves among them because he did not want to pollute the innocent. He gives the signal and the congregation downs the beverage in unison. He notes the acidity of the wine. He chokes. As he falls onto the floor he hears the cries from his sheep and the wolves. He hears nothing more. He feels nothing more.  

He knows that only God can judge between the sheep and the wolves. Only God knows the true intentions of men. And what better way to free his congregation of the possibility of being  eaten by wolves in his absence then to send them to God early to be judged? He could not trust his naïve young leaders; they were not ready. He has struggled with this cup of suffering for many years; what did the other leaders know about leading a congregation? He knew killing was a sin, but his intentions, he felt, was justified. After all, God will be his judge.